I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
