I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
