Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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