Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
this beer tastes like vomit already
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
