dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i was born a porn star she said
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
