I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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