Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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