I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It's shark week go big or go home
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
