Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
