I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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