And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
