All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Dignity is for republicans.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
