I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
