I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
