i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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