Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
