he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
