Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
