so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
