Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
