Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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