white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
