My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
