K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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