I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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