Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
