Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Randomize
