Tell her she can't have a vagina
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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