how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
