If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Randomize
