Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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