We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
