Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The air was thick with penises
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
