Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
