I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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