the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
