Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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