do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
