there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
