she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
