What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
