She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
worst night to have a conscience
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
