don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
