ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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