I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
