I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
