he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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