i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
