I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
