God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
