dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
