why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
